What a journey it has been up to this point. And excitement is still firmly there. Today is the International Day of Persons with Disabilities. It is also Disability History Month. So I wanted to share with you some things I would say to my younger self, since the theme is about children and young people.
My first thing to say is with regards to my difficulty with social connectivity at a young age. It’s ok to be distant from your peers. As long as it is on your terms and not a matter of being excluded, it is all about feeling the right amount of stimulation. And if this comes more from playing alongside other children rather than directly with them… So be it! I found joy from playing alongside others rather than with them as a child, and found it easier to become accustomed to my environment in that way.
In terms of where I’m at now, with being diagnosed with neurodivergent conditions, I have this to say to my younger self: Though the journey to doing so may be time-consuming, don’t be afraid to pursue a diagnosis. Just because one psychologist didn’t see the value in it at the time due to certain milestones being met, doesn’t mean there weren’t evident challenges. I spent a long time thinking there was something different, or something not quite right about me. Nowadays, I know that I’m just different, and there’s just quirks I have. It’s not that there’s anything not right about me. Just a bunch of different characteristics that make me who I am!
To comment on my mental capacity for things Vs the physical capacity that ended up with me feeling useless, here is the perspective I shall share with the me of, let’s say, 5 years ago. The skills you will develop will stand you in good stead. And they will be much more valuable than the physical things that you were made to feel useless about. Everyone has their own strengths. And if someone puts you in a position where you are exposed without those mechanisms of support, then the result of that can be quite soul destroying. As I witnessed. But like I said, I’m way past that now, and feel like I really contribute to something in a substantial way. That fills me with joy.
Having recently gained a second neurodivergent diagnosis, I also have something to say to my younger self about this. Having multiple neurodivergent conditions is not a tragedy. This is actually going to be the catalyst for your future, as you will go on to inspire so many by sharing your story, and the things you have learned along the way. I am a very keen learner for all things career focused. Since late 2021, I have spent time listening to podcasts, and adapting various things as much as possible, so that neurodivergent individuals can access them. When something isn’t fully designed for neurodivergent individuals, I see a gap that needs filling.
When it comes to creating meaningful connections with other people, this has its peaks and valleys, just as life does. Ups and downs. But here are some words I would share with myself, again from around 5 years ago. Don’t lead yourself down a path of isolation. Find the balance that is right for you. Find an environment where you feel socially included, but somewhere that equally doesn’t bring with it any kind of attachment. There’s an in between. It’s so important that everyone finds a space they can enjoy alone time. Alone time should never feel bad. But you don’t want to socially withdraw a hundred percent. It’s about finding people whose company you enjoy without feeling attached to them or needing to spend every moment of your time with.
Three things are important in life when it comes to the window of opportunity remaining ajar: effort, talent, and luck. I don’t profess to be at my peak- far from it. But I certainly don’t lack talents in certain areas… Or effort. Now, luck is one of those things. Of course you can create your own luck, but there’s an element of other people influencing that luck that you get as well. With that in mind, this is what I would say to myself at any point I could’ve felt demoralised. Those doors that will get slammed in your face were not worth your time pursuing. But those that are opened by people with a warm, welcoming demeanour, could lead you down some interesting avenues. And this warm, welcoming demeanour will become something of a common theme as long as you continue to exert that attitude towards people. This remains my default setting, and I feel I have had access to some incredible opportunities, especially in 2023.
Accessibility is something I speak a lot about day to day. This doesn’t, however, mean that every open door is right to walk through, and here are a few words I have to say about this. Saying no to things is not a failure. Though the invitation to things at times can seem like a tick box exercise, it is about people building their understanding of you as an individual. No is a difficult word to say, and often hasn’t been part of your vocabulary, but saying no creates an understanding of your personal boundaries and your energy levels.
Somewhat linking to my last piece of advice to my younger self, I wish to say this. You don’t have to prove your struggles to anyone. Everyone with some kind of disability or neurodivergent condition lies on a different spectrum. The spectrum isn’t linear with any of these conditions either. The struggle at times will be very evident. But you shouldn’t have to compare yourself to other people’s lived experience. There’s no prize for being the most or least affected day to day by health conditions or disabilities.
As cliché as this may be, there is always magic within the madness of having a disability or neurodivergent condition. Some will use the superpower analogy. That’s absolutely fine. And it’s probably for good reason, as, according to a Dispatches episode I recently watched all about disability benefits in the UK, “the attitude towards disabled people is that they are a burden on society.” You know what my answer is… Tough. We’ve been here for a while, and you’ll have to put up with us for a while longer. I would say my super strength is my meticulous researching ability, but one of my difficulties is navigating my way around places reading a map. So, please do ask for restaurant recommendations if you are visiting somewhere. But don’t ask me for directions. Simple. So I can say that my neurodivergent profile does not weigh me down like perhaps it once did. And as time goes on, I hope other people will be made to feel the same!
Finally, I want to talk about where I am at now. I don’t think I could’ve dreamt of being here when I was sixteen, or eighteen, or twenty. These are the final words I wish to say to myself, as soon as I leave school for pastures new. One day, you will be able to say that you are supporting disabled and neurodivergent individuals to find meaningful employment. This is in addition to your continued work on your various blog pages. Who knows what lies ahead. What I can tell you, is that whatever lies ahead, will be exciting. And you can be fully confident to embrace the squiggly paths towards these opportunities.
What would you say to your younger self?
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