These circumstances have presented opportunities for me to connect with people I’d either not connected with for a long time… Or never before.
It has been nice to have been introduced to a couple of new people during this time, albeit in a distant fashion.
On the other hand, it’s also made me feel like I’ve been ghosted yet again by a number of people who I thought were friends. I just don’t get it. They seem to get the wrong idea with the meaning of distant. No, it doesn’t mean don’t speak to someone for a decade then crawl back when you want something.
Minus a select group of people I have seemingly found a decent connection with, I become very withdrawn once I feel ghosted. It may seem like I am almost a ruthless person who doesn’t give people a chance, but in fact it’s completely the opposite. I have a certain number of friends who are the same storm as me so to speak, but in a slightly different boat, or maybe in a storm of a larger scale and being in a very similar boat.
The margins are fine. For me, during lockdown, everyone may have a million and one different things going on in their life. Maybe it’s my shallow understanding in play here, but surely being less “busy” means a chance to sit down and connect with others even if it is “virtually”. I’m now at the point due to lack of response from a number of messages since lockdown began, that I now interpret no response within 6 days as rude and a very quick goodbye would follow with the thought in my head: “You’ve had 6 days to do whatever else is important and I’m sorry I thought you and I had a connection.”
Virtual works for me… Sometimes. Of course, like everyone else, I’m a social being who just so happens to be quite introverted. So, essentially, the whole physically distancing rule- YES, PHYSICALLY (NOT SOCIALLY, BECAUSE ITS THE WRONG TERM) doesn’t have as big an impact on me as it would many others. However, I do maintain a level of excitement once lockdown measures are non existent anymore, about going to places such as crazy golf, an ice skating rink and a restaurant to name 3.
I have experienced both sides of the coin during lockdown, which I still feel slightly concerned about. Like, how on earth could anyone sink so low as to make someone feel ghosted during a period when less people are being productive- again, right wording (not busy).
My wish is that the way the culture has (hopefully) changed will remain forever now. People won’t be busy anymore. They’ll be productive instead. They’ll get the right things done rather than rushing around frantically to please anyone but themselves. Hopefully, humanity will become more important over anything else. It’d take a fool not to think the same. That way, with people having more time, hopefully ghosting could be less of a thing. Because it isn’t a good feeling to even predict “there’s another person who clearly isn’t bothered about me in the slightest.”
Of course, I don’t discount family relationships, family is important. Glad we’ve established that, you probably started to wonder whether I would cut people slack or not. I can be empathetic. It just isn’t always evident. Plus, I can become more attached to an emotional situation than the person who should be more emotional about the thing in question. But, surely there comes a point here. Some people will be alone at this moment in time, so surely it’s counter productive to not respond to someone unless your circumstances are completely out of the ordinary.
I have often had this very quick approach to relationships that’s a black and white thing. I’m either engaged or withdrawn. Friends or not friends. I like simplicity. I’m slowly losing it with complexity. So I have no time for acquaintances. I like the people I like, and want nothing to do with those I don’t like.
Having acquaintances to me, means that you have the sort of people surrounding you and it’s just like a whole world of empty words. Words with no substance or a lot less meaning than real friends. The sort of words which could be described as saying you want to meet up (pre pandemic) but not actually arranging anything. Or saying sorry for something but not actually seeming so.
Again, my understanding may be more limited, I may be quick to send people packing, whether that’s good or bad, in everyone’s own situation, they are the judge. So to me, I’m doing the right thing by moving away from people who clearly aren’t that interested in being friends, or there’d be more contact, regardless of the pandemic or not.
Without the pandemic, I’d pretty much be in the exact same thought process. While I’m beginning to perhaps think about meeting a couple of new people in person over the next few months providing it’s safe to do so, I just hope they remain and give me the same energy I give them. Equal give and take to a friendship… Surely that’s not too much to ask?
As far as I know, I’m no energy sapper. Surely an energy sapper loses energy themselves anyway, right? They bore people away in the blink of an eye. But I start to believe it’s not that that’s the problem. What I do begin to believe, is that this is the fault of this whole PC world we now live in. Where there are becoming so many things that divide people, rather than unite people. I can’t help being one of those who stands up and will take my time to absolutely hammer down and react to anything I absolutely don’t believe in at all. And then people will view me in a whole different way and all hell breaks lose, especially for my mind. Because I end up getting overwhelmed by thinking I’m always in the wrong, when I actually know it’s the PC brigade who contribute to that.
It’s part of the process. I’m learning. Like everyone else. What I hope is that I don’t start to get the wrong idea of what I’m actually learning. Because what I’m learning is that apparently, I have to now be careful otherwise it’s curtains on potential opportunities that could be out there. Just because I’m not an expert in understanding what the world is. Of course, I have my own understanding that I believe to the T. But this often isn’t shared amongst the wider community and perhaps this is the whole bigger picture I’m failing to see.
Determined as I am to develop a better understanding of many situations, it’s not a safe place for people to start telling me what the rules are. Because I’m Dyspraxic, and my intention is to scrap the rule books. The ones that don’t matter, obviously. Not the ones that do.