Over the past year or so, I’ve really come to realise how difficult I find it to make new friends and to actually feel respected.
I often spend time alone at home, suppressing my thoughts because I have beliefs and views that will end up with me probably losing the respect of people.
One of the things with dyspraxia is that reading people and understanding people can be a challenge and it has taken quite a few unwanted arguments and disagreements over the past year for me to realise this.
I have strict views on society and different issues that I don’t feel get respect all the time, and while I’m not asking for people to agree with me, a bit of respect would be welcome.
Respect of people’s opinion and what people believe in and want can go a long way to building a relationship.
Telling me that my opinion about something is wrong is like telling a cat that it should leave a mouse alone. It’s not going to make that change. So my opinions of things won’t change unless the world changes… Which it won’t and right now I’m not going to go on about that because I’ll lose the will to live if I express my views on that.
I have lived through a lot of anxiety because of what I want and what I believe in and I don’t feel that I get enough positive response and I hate it. I really hate it.
For example, if any one of you spoke to me about your goals and ambitions, I’d say go for it, the world is your oyster, you can achieve great things, rather than instantly saying something negative. I feel that I take on board too much negativity and I’m totally done with it… I really am. I constantly hear words like “oh your going to encounter no end of road blocks” and “oh you won’t be able to do that because it takes loads of qualifications”(which I also think is wrong).
I’m sick and tired of finding relationships with people difficult to come by because of contrasting opinions and conflicting views. It makes me sick to my stomach the fact I have to suppress my own thoughts every day because otherwise my “verbal daggers” will be plunged and this is how I am and if you don’t like it… Fair enough. I will carry on with my quest to find people in my life that will accept my views, will respect me for what I want and that will breathe the fresh air of positivity into my life.
I honestly try to do this, but my mind gets fed negativity that I don’t like, which is why I ground myself and love being my introverted self. It doesn’t matter to me that I prefer sitting in my room for hours on end each day doing crosswords, writing about things I’m passionate about and playing on a games console.
I’d much rather do any of these things than insult people and also receive insults and not receive respect, because I’m done with that now. I’m going to continue being the person I am, on the lookout for every bit of success I can find, while not holding any place for any negativity any more.
Of course, over time I would like to gain more relationships and find people out there that will value me as a person, people who will respect my opinion and not tell me that I’m wrong and being offensive to people when I’m not meaning to be and when I’m not actually wrong in my opinion… But I’ll also be the first to admit that no opinion is right.
Fact is right or wrong because they are there to see and recorded and I do have facts from my experiences through life which are right but it’s a whole different world there because that’s if you choose to believe me… Which I’m never really confident I will be to be honest.
In terms of relationships with people and how it affects me in terms of dyspraxia, I now have my policies of how I plan to either develop friendships and relationships, or just continue to be a more reserved a alone person.
Either, I get the respect and support of others, or I don’t and I’ll just move on because I can’t be bothered with conflict and “verbal daggers” when all that will be the result is hurt. Whichever path will end up being the one I choose, is not always up to me and not always something I can control, but people make their own decisions in life of course. More friendships would certainly be a welcome addition to my life, but unless these people would be genuine, respectful and not poison my mind with a barrage of negativity, then I don’t have the time and I’m not sorry. This is me. And I’m proud to be me.